When a Boyfriend Joins the Marriage



They agreed she could have sex on the side as long as he didn’t have to know about it. Then she fell in love.

Credit Brian Rea

By Sherry Richert Belul

They started this job more than a year ago. Most homeowners would be annoyed at how long it’s taking. I’m not. They’re building it for free. They’re building it for me.

I bring them water. I kiss one good night but not the other. One is my boyfriend of 10 years. The other is my husband. My husband and I actually consider ourselves exes, but we never divorced. We still love each other, just not romantically. We have lived together all these years under the same roof, although not the same bedroom.

What happened was this: 15 years ago, I woke up in the night, nudged him awake and said, “I need your permission to have an affair.” 

Our then 2-year-old son had just left the family bed. My husband and I were alone again with a gaping hole where passion should be. We had tried to bring it back through counseling, sex therapy and lingerie. I needed the dance of knee against knee under the table. I needed an unabashed, open-mouthed kiss. So we came to an agreement.

I don’t want to know,” he said. “Don’t bring it home.”

This went on for several years. I met men at hotels and at their homes in the hills.

Then, I met a new guy at a bar in the Mission District, the perfect place to meet before a one-night stand. Except I fell for him the moment he handed me a red Gerber daisy. I fell for the small gap between his teeth. I touched his hand by feigning interest in the ring he had made from a bicycle spoke. We loved the same obscure music.

Days later, he waltzed with me on Berkeley Pier, my gloves arranged in his breast pocket like a kerchief. He created a rabbit out of a squeegee and a towel and made me laugh at its antics.

The afternoon I chose to tell my husband, light streamed into our yellow kitchen. Our son was in his room, playing with Hogwarts toys.

“This wasn’t our agreement,” he said. We discussed it calmly. One of us mentioned divorce. One of us said, “Should we move apart?” Then it was silent again.

I was a child of divorce. When I came home from school, the house was empty. My mother worked an hour away and didn’t get home until after 6.

I saw my father on Sundays, sometimes. He would take us to car shows or to buy fish for our aquarium. I don’t think he ever wanted children. He wasn’t interested in talking to me about books or cheerleading. He once jokingly tossed me over the side of a boat, saying, “That’s how you learn to swim!”

My siblings were wild, sneaking out to parties in the woods. I grew up mostly alone. I dreamed of having a family to travel with or joke together over dinner.

I had this now. We made Lego villages, played music, sang out of tune. We stopped for smiley-face pancakes when we drove to San Diego to see my in-laws. We took up a whole row on the airplane, creating our own happy world of snacks, cartoons and surprises for our son.

I couldn’t imagine not waking up in the house with my child, having to drop him off at his father’s house, not kissing his sleepy cheeks every night.

I wanted my family. And I wanted my boyfriend.

When I suggested we could be roommates, my husband agreed. I clung to the idea like a life raft.

We ordered another bed and turned my husband’s office into a second bedroom. I didn’t know if it was possible to create a new kind of family, but like a child who pushes against the boundaries of her parents’ rigid rules, I wanted to find out.

Months later, I said, “I want to introduce him to our son.”

“If you bring someone else in,” my husband said, “we need to move apart. I don’t want to meet him.”

Weeks passed. Then my husband said, “Wild Side West. 5:30. Wednesday night.”

I don’t remember if I drove to that meeting with my husband or my boyfriend. I do remember sitting in the beer garden with sweat on my forehead.

We sat in a little triangle, my husband sitting stiffly and my boyfriend leaning back as if to give us more room. I perched on a rickety stool. We could have been in a lawyer’s office, drawing up papers.

The moment was about a child. The conversation was about who we are to this boy. Who will we be to him and to each other? How do we trust?

We set a meeting for the playground the following week. We three adults had planned it out carefully. My son and I would be playing on the monkey bars. My boyfriend would show up and I would introduce him as my friend.

When he arrived, he was carrying an old radio and some tools. He had remembered from our conversations that my son loved to disassemble electronics.

My boyfriend juggled two screwdrivers and a wrench and made my son laugh. He smiled and said, “Hey buddy, want to take this thing apart with me?”

When this began, we still lived in a large apartment in the Mission; there was room for privacy the nights my boyfriend stayed over. It was awkward at first, but as the years passed we spent more time as a foursome — cooking, playing board games.

Twice a year we all traveled to my mother’s house in Ohio, along with my husband’s parents, spending two weeks in a flurry of card games, water balloon fights and lingering meals.

Then the owner of our apartment decided to sell and offered us an enormous sum of money to surrender our rent-controlled lease. In most places, that money could have bought us a house. In the Bay Area, it wasn’t even a down payment. The only place we could afford was half the size of our apartment. There wouldn’t be room for home offices, most of our furniture or my boyfriend.

At the new house, my beau built a platform so I could store the mattress beneath a raised office, but it never felt right. It wasn’t sexy to sleep with him under piles of papers and the glow of the computer screen saver.

One day when he and I were lying in the trundle bed staring up at a jumble of cords, he said, “Let’s talk about building you a studio.” But I didn’t have the money.

“We could scavenge what we need,” he said. “If we start by building a foundation, maybe it will come together even if we don’t see how it can work.”

The backyard was a mess of dirt, broken bottles and rusty metal when he began digging. He patiently began clearing it out. One day my husband donned work gloves and jumped in, too. When we ran out of scavenged materials, my husband generously purchased supplies.

Months of Sundays passed to the synchronized beat of hammers and the sound of music and laughter as the framing was built. My husband taught me how to use the nail gun. My boyfriend took pictures as I nailed on the avocado-green siding. There’s a selfie of the three of us grinning from behind our dust masks, covered with flecks of fiberglass on the day we stuffed insulation into the walls.

Those two men painstakingly installed layers of drywall, reaching their long arms to the ceiling over and over. Before they hung the last piece, I hid gold dollar coins inside next to the studs and a photo of three generations of people who are related in ways there aren’t words for.

They left the beautiful thick beam in the ceiling exposed. After you walk into the studio and admire the golden light and the warm oak floors, that exposed beam catches your eye. It’s the through line, reminding me of our love for our son.

We wanted this child to grow up in a happy household. That beam was strong enough to convince us all to hold onto the vision. It’s like a dream I have had countless times in which I discover a room in my house that I didn’t know was there.

That’s our life now. We are building a family without a blueprint.

The New York Times    

Sherry Richert Belul, who lives in San Francisco, is the author of “Say it Now: 33 Creative Ways to Say I Love You to the Most Important People in Your Life,” due out in May.

Modern Love can be reached at modernlove@nytimes.com.


Do You Have These 6 ‘Mindful’ Skills? Or Are You Distracted?

News, relationship

Information is abundant. The proper application of information (i.e., wisdom and understanding) is scarce.

The following skills are essential to quickly filtering through the endless universes of information, choices, and distractions that now lay before us in a digital and global world.

  • Mindfulness — the awareness of CONTEXT and of changes within that context (patterns, themes, connections, predictions).
  • Discernment — the ability to recognize and anticipate the consequences of the patterns around you — and to know WHAT TO DO as a result.
  • Action — the common and outdated view that beliefs determine behavior is wrong — rather, it is your behavior that shapes your beliefs, personality, and identity. Having a bias for action and immediate implementation is how rapid learning occurs. Experiential learning is far more powerful than gathering information. Experience is emotional — and emotion, not rationality, is what changes mindsets and behaviors.
  • Expectancy — according to the “Expectancy Theory of Motivation,” three things must occur for a person to have high motivation for achieving their goals. You must believe you can do what it takes to achieve your goal. You must believe that you know how to achieve it (you have the proper methods). Finally, you must believe that the rewards of the particular goal are personally meaningful. Another word for expectancy is faith — the belief in your ability to seize or create a future outcome.
  • Feedback — failure is feedback. You shouldn’t and can’t avoid feedback if you want to learn. When you have “transformational learning experiences,” your worldview is disrupted. You replace old ways of seeing with new and better ways. The faster and more consequential the feedback you get, the more in flow you will be.
  • Adaptability — according to Charles Darwin, it’s not the smartest or the strongest that survive, but the most adaptable to change. Most people believe that children are more adaptive than adults. Children, after all, can learn multiple languages at one time, if given the opportunity. Adults seem to become more rigid and less adaptive. Or so the thinking goes. The truth — children have more to adapt to. They’re required to learn and figure stuff out in order to survive in society. As you grow older, you have less to learn in order to survive in society and to meet the expectations of the norms around you. Yet, if you were to continually put yourself into higher and more demanding situations, you could adapt. You could adapt faster, actually, than children, because you already have so many deep and powerful connections made. The key, is being willing to let go of the models which are no longer effective at the higher stages of adaptability. If you want to adjust to new norms, you’ll have to adapt to them. And you can.

The remainder of this article is a brief dive into how to master these six keystone skills.

The “keystone” is the center stone in an arch which holds the rest of the structure together. Without the keystone, everything falls apart. In the book,THE POWER OF HABIT, author Charles Duhigg explains that “keystone habits” lead to the development of multiple good habits. They start a chain effect in your life that produces a number of positive outcomes.

Keystone skills, similarly, are those half dozen skills which facilitate the development of other skills. They are foundational to living a life in alignment, to having confidence and clarity, and to becoming a powerful learner and leader.

If you develop these six skills to mastery, there is little you won’t be able to do and become in your life.

  • You’ll be able to quickly discover the signal in the massive sea of noise.
  • You’ll make powerful, intuitive, and quick decisions.
  • You’ll take immediate action on the most important and relevant information.
  • You’ll expect the best outcomes to occur — which will create self-fulfilling prophecies.
  • You’ll get immediate and consequential feedback to what you’re doing — which will keep you humble and engaged.
  • You’ll adapt immediately based on the feedback you get, which will keep you adjusting and improving what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.

How To Develop Mindfulness

“The hefty price for accepting information uncritically is that we go through life unaware that what we’ve accepted as impossible may in fact be quite possible.” — Ellen Langer

In her important book, MINDFULNESS, Harvard psychologist, Ellen Langer, explains that mindfulness has two components:

  • Awareness of context — of what is around you
  • Awareness of change within your context — patterns, changes, connections, predictions

In our individualistic culture, we have a hard time being mindful. We have a hard time recognizing the power of surroundings and situations.

This is a big problem because we, as people, are shaped by what is outside of us. We like to believe we are the masters of our fate. But our situation and environment are far more powerful. As Dr. Mashall Goldsmith has said, “If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.”

Once this realization takes hold, you become far more aware of what (and WHO) is around you.

You become more sensitive to the energetic effects of people, places, and things. This heightened sensitivity is mindfulness. Because not only do you notice how your surroundings influence your body, mind, and emotions — but you notice shifts in your surroundings. Not just from one situation to another, but the broader world as a whole.

You notice patterns and changes in society and how most people operate. You see things before most people do, because as Ellen Langer explains, most people mindlessly and reactively walk through life.

They are unaware just how much their environment is shaping them. They are unconsciously becoming something they wouldn’t want to be.

Thus, the benefits of mindfulness are:

  • You can make powerful decisions about outside influences that shape your behavior and identity
  • You can predict where you as a person, and society as a whole, is going

How To Develop Discernment

“Being quick to observe is an antecedent to and is linked with the spiritual gift of discernment. And for you and for me, discernment is a light of protection and direction in a world that grows increasingly dark.” — David Bednar

Being mindful is all about OBSERVING what is around you. It’s about noticing subtle cues, and about thinking critically about what you’re noticing.

Discernment means you’re aware of the IMPLICATIONS of what you’re observing. It means you can PREDICT where certain behaviors, actions, ideas, and environments will take you.

When you development discernment, you can make powerful choices, because you have both information and intuition. You can’t have discernment without first observing and paying attention.

This will require you to become a very, very good listener. To pay attention to what you’re hearing and what you’re seeing. To become a student of life.

Intelligence is the proper application of information and knowledge. Most people are not intelligent because they don’t apply what they learn. They aren’t hyper-critical about what they let influence them. They haven’t developed a framework and set of values for determining what is a waste of time and what isn’t.

Your discernment for people, information, choices, and consequences will continue to develop as you enhance your standards for yourself. Your life is a product of your standards. You get in life what you’re willing to tolerate.

According to the famed Peter Drucker:

“In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the Internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time — literally — substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it.”

People aren’t prepared for the world we now live in because people haven’t developed mindfulness and discernment. As a result, they experience decision overload and decision fatigue — hence willpower is no longer a useful skillset in today’s world. Instead, you need to mindfully create your environment. You need to make one decision that eliminates a thousand decisions. You need to continually hold yourself and those around you to a higher standard.

How To Take Positive Action

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Dallin Oaks once said, “We should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best.” Your life and who you become is entirely shaped by the quality of your decision making.

  • Your behavior shapes your identity and personality. You are what you DO.
  • If you have five minutes, how are you going to use that time?
  • If you have two hours, how are you going to use that time?
  • If you have five books to choose from, which book will you choose?
  • If you have five friends who you will become the average of, which five friends will you choose?

Your answer to everyone one of those questions determines the person you will become, the life you will live, the happiness you have, etc.

If you aren’t mindful and discerning, you won’t make powerful decisions. However, it all starts with one simple decision to act powerfully. According to research by Stanford psychologist, BJ FOGG, small wins create enormous ripples of confidence.

Confidence is a byproduct of positive action.

Inspiration and creativity are byproducts of positive action.

Your beliefs indeed influence your behavior. However, your behavior far more profoundly influences your beliefs. When you behave a certain way, your beliefs about that thing change.

If you start making even small progress toward a goal, you’ll begin to believe you can make more progress. If you act poorly, your beliefs about yourself will become negative.

Your personality isn’t what shapes your behavior. Instead, your behavior shapes your personality.

Personality is a byproduct of choice — although for most people that choosing was made unconsciously, reactively, and mindlessly. Most people are the negative product of an undisciplined and unintentionally-designed environment.

Your personality is the momentum and pattern of prior decisions. Although it may seem like “you,” it is not. Only the present and past version of you. If you change your behaviors and environment, you will change yourself.

As you become more mindful and discerning by making positive actions, your beliefs, behaviors, and personality will change.

You absolutely can get to the point where you proactively and consciously transform yourself. You can go from introvert to extrovert. From shy to incredibly articulate. From dull to creative.

Do most people make such profound change? Of course not. They’re not required to. They’re not demanded to. They don’t expect to. They don’t feel the fear and do it anyways. They don’t create powerfully emotional experiences that disrupt their core — allowing them to see and act differently than was their past.

Learning can be defined as making a PERMANENT change in your cognition and or behavior. It’s not LEARNING if it doesn’t lead to a change in how you see and live in the world. Gather information is not learning. Doing the same thing over and over and over isn’t learning. You must have emotional and transformational experiences that change how you operate and see the world. You must grow in understanding and INTELLIGENCE.

How To Develop Profound Expectancy

“You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change.” — Les Brown

According to psychology’s Hope Theory, hope reflects your perceptions regarding your capacity to:

  • clearly conceptualize goals
  • develop the specific strategies to reach those goals (i.e., pathways thinking)
  • initiate and sustain the motivation for using those strategies (i.e., agency thinking)

Ideas are cheap. Creating plans and executing those plans is rare.

Very few people implement what they learn. You can read hundreds of books, attend seminars, and get expensive coaching — but none of that will matter if you don’t put any of the ideas into practice.

We live in an information world. People’s heads are full of information. It’s never been easier to access. Yet, few people’s lives make dramatic transformation because few people discern which information is crucial, develop plans for executing that information, and immediately applying that 80/20.

As you begin acting toward your goals and getting small wins, your confidence will increase. You can’t have confidence without positive and goal-consistent behavior.

Eventually, and rather quickly, you can develop “expectancy” that your goals will happen. This “expectancy” can become a resolve and deep commitment — where you know before the fact that what you want, you will get. Napoleon Hill explained it this way: Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

Knowing something and BELIEVING it are two very different things. Believing in something takes a willingness of the heart.

Many people know what they should do, but they don’t believe it enough to actually do it. They don’t truly believe in themselves and their ability to change. Their lack of belief stops them from taking the needed actions to create that change. Instead, they become cynical or justifying.

How To Set Your Life Up For Immediate And Consequential Feedback

“This automatic feedback is another reason extreme athletes have found flow so frequently, but what if we’re interested in pulling this trigger without help from the laws of physics? No mystery here. Tighten feedback loops. Put mechanisms in place so attention doesn’t have to wander. Ask for more input. How much input? Well, forget quarterly reviews. Think daily reviews. Studies have found that in professions with less direct feedback loops — stock analysis, psychiatry, and medicine — even the best get worse over time.” — Steven Kotler

Feedback is how you change your mind. Feedback is how you change your behavior. Feedback is how you get into flow.

The more your life provides immediate feedback for your behavior, the faster you’ll learn. If your behavior isn’t consequential, you’ll continue negative patterns.

When you take bold actions, you get feedback much quicker. For example, when you share your goals publicly, you get different feedback from when you keep them private. When you invest a large percentage of your money into your values and goals, you’re far more accountable to those goals. Failure means a lot more.

Necessity is the mother of invention. The more your environment and situation demands you to perform, the more you’ll rise to the occasion. Psychologists call this the “pygmalion effect.”

It’s your responsibility to create an environment that demands you to show up. All you have to do is start acting. Start being more honest. Start seeking more responsibility. Start being more proactive. Powerful actions change situations. Powerful action changes relationships. Powerful action changes your trajectory.

How To Become Adaptive And Fluid

“If something is presented as an accepted truth, alternative ways of thinking do not even come up for consideration.” — Ellen Langer

Children are adaptive because they have to be. They haven’t developed habits of avoiding change. They seek learning and understanding. They are constantly getting feedback from the world around them.

Yet, adults eventually stop adapting as much. Instead, they over-adapt to the environment around them. They stop putting themselves into situations that force them to change. This reflects a lack of mindfulness, action, and confidence.

Once you’ve developed confidence in your ability to learn and adapt — in your ability to mindfully mine and discern new situations and environments — you’ll be far more willing to jump into new and demanding situations. You’ll be willing to fail and be humbled. You’ll seek more feedback.

You’ll act. Because as you act in new a profound ways, you’ll quickly adapt to your new situation and it will become your “new normal.”

Viktor Frankl explained in MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING, “Yes, a person can get used to anything, just don’t ask us how.” You can get used to living in a concentration camp. You can get used to living far more powerfully. Whatever is required, you will learn and adapt. Yet, eventually life doesn’t require much but the status-quo for most.

As a super-learner, your job is to take immediate action, get feedback, and adjust to the feedback you get. When you stop adapting to new things, you stop learning. Over-adapting is the path to apathy and boredom.

Find that child inside of you and never stop learning. Kids learn to walk because they have to. They learn math and reading in societies where it’s required. They learn whatever the norms of their environment require them to learn. Once learned, they stop learning as much. Unless they continually change their environment and situation. Hence, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. When the student is truly ready, the teacher disappears.

Lessons are repeated until learned. Most people stop learning their lessons because their situation supports them in their current decision-making. They are justified in what they’re doing. They don’t mindfully see the patterns of their behavior and the behavior of those around them. They don’t develop discernment and immediate implementation. Their personality gets stuck and they thoughtlessly believe they can’t change — that who they are when they were born is who they must be when they die.


Have you developed these six skills?

  • Mindfulness
  • Discernment
  • Action
  • Expectancy
  • Feedback
  • Adaptability

The world is becoming increasingly intrusive. If you don’t learn these skills, you’ll be shaped by an environment that was created for you, not an environment that was created BY you.

If such is the case, you’ll stop developing and over-adapt. You’ll get stuck. But you don’t have to get stuck. You are fluid and adaptive. You’re actually more adaptive than children — if you choose to be. If you’re willing to purge and uproot old patterns and paradigms with new ones.

If you’re willing to change, you can change. But you can’t see yourself in isolation. You are part of the system around you. The change must be holistic.

Taraji P. Henson Is Engaged to Kelvin Hayden

Celebrity Gists, Entertainment, relationship

May 14, 2018 2:58 PM

Taraji P. Henson is going to be a bride!

After quietly dating former football star Kelvin Hayden for more than two years, the NFL pro put a ring on it. The Empire star announced the happy news and showed off her new sparkler early Monday morning.

“I said yes y’all!!! He started with the Cartier love bracelet BUT that was my #Mothersday gift and then he dropped to his knee and I almost passed out!!!” she captioned a shot of her new bling. “#sheisofficiallyoffthemarket and she is sooooooooooooo HAPPY!!!!!! #GODIS.”

The engagement may come as a surprise to some considering the actress has kept their romance out of the spotlight. It wasn’t until late December 2017 that Henson addressed their longtime relationship publicly.


“I’m very happy. Everything is coming together,” the star said in an interview on Essence’s podcast “Yes, Girl!.” at the time. “I’m happy in my personal life.”

“I’m not the type to blast my personal business. But, you know, I think that’s important for people to know. I’m happy. I’m very very happy. I just am,” she added. “And you know, we’ve been together for two years. No one would really know that because I don’t really blast my info like that. But I’m very happy.”

It was back in 2015 that the media first caught wind of the couple’s burgeoning relationship when they stepped out on a beach in Miami holding hands. On Sunday, she and the Chicago Bears alum dined with Hayden’s mother in honor of Mother’s Day and, as fans have now learned, their engagement.

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30 Best Sex Games To Kink Up A Stale Marriage

Entertainment, relationship
best sex games

Do you want to play a game?

Marriages aren’t easy to keep fresh. After being with the same person for so many years, it’s easy to feel a bit bored. However, that doesn’t mean that you should walk away. It just means that you should do something to spice things up.

If you’re looking for new ways to get kinky in the bedroom, trying some of the best sex games like the ones below are a perfect way to do it.

1. Truth or Dare

This age-old game might have been the thing of middle school parties, but if you start asking sexual and kinky questions, it quickly becomes an amazing way to get to know your partner on a whole new level.

2. X Marks the Spot

If you’ve been wanting to have your partner kiss a certain part of your body, this is a great way to get them to do it. With this, your partner has to keep kissing you until they find the place you’re thinking about. Once they kiss you there, you both win.

RELATED: 59 Fun Sex Questions To Ask Your Lover (To Become More Sexually Intimate)

3. Nookii

This is a sex game you can find on Amazon, and it’s pretty good as far as purchasable games go. As the name suggests, the idea behind Nookii is to take you through foreplay, heat things up, and get you ready for a mind-blowing final event. (You can thank me later.)

(Buy it on Amazon, $49.95)

4. Netflix and Thrills

Okay, for this one, you don’t actually need Netflix. You might need an erotic site, though. This kinky game is all about giving oral sex to your partner while they watch steamy content to see how long they can make it before they beg for sex.

5. XXXopoly

XXXopoly might be a funny riff on Monopoly, but it’s still one of the best sex games you can find on Amazon. Each square you land on has you doing a sexy little thing, and if you’re not up for it, you have to pay a fine.

Frankly, this might be a better game than the original. Unlike Monopoly, which typically causes arguments, everyone walks away feeling like a winner.

(Buy it on Amazon, $29.95)

6. Mirror, Mirror

Fans of mutual masturbation and voyeurism will love this one. Basically, you sit across from your partner and start masturbating in front of them. They do the same, and match your pace. This idea behind this is to both cross the finish line together.

7. I Do, You Do

If you want to be a better guide for your partner, this is the best sex game to try. With this, you show your partner exactly what you want them to do to you, and they return the favor. Do this for a while, and you can expect better sex for a longer period of time.

8. Love Is Art

This isn’t a game, per se, but you can get those kits at UncommonGoods. This kit allows you to cover yourself in paint while you’re doing the nasty — and make a work of art using it.

(Buy it on UncommonGoods, starting at $36)

9. Kama Sutra Cards of the Day

You can pick up a deck of these in Barnes and Noble, or really anywhere. This sex game basically has you remove a card from the deck and act out what’s on the card. It’s simple, easy, and very useful if you’re tired of doggy style for the 50th time in a row.

(Buy it on BarnesandNoble.com, $9.95)

10. Sex Dice

Some adore them, some can’t stand them, but we’d by lying if we said that they don’t kink up a stale marriage pretty well. They’re one of the oldest sex games out there, but they’re tried and true for a reason.

(Buy it on Amazon, $14.95)

11. The “No Hands” Orgasm Race

Looking to spice things up and show how fast you can orgasm? As the name suggests, this game is all about showing who can cross the finish line first — without using your hands!

12. Oh! Lucky You Scratch Cards

Love the lottery? Well, unlike the ones that promise millions of dollars, everyone’s a winner with these cute cards. Every heart you scratch off has a naughty thing you need to do in order to win the game — and everyone is a winner here. You can actually get the tools to make your own on Amazon.

(Buy it on Amazon, $9.90)

13. Who Does It Better?

If you’re really kinky and have decided to start swinging in your marriage, you might want to try this one. You’ll need a third partner. There will be two competitors and a “judge.”

To do this epic sex game, two partners give the judge oral sex — and the judge figures out who wins. Obviously, this can have jealousy as an issue. However, if you’re into cuckqueaning or cuckolding, it’s an amazing game to play.

14. 7 Minutes in Heaven

This high school classic is pretty self-explanatory, but if you’re looking for sex games to kink up a stale marriage, it works wonders. To get real thrills, try playing this at the next party you’re at.

15. Strip Poker

Much like a lot of the other “classic” games on this list, strip poker is pretty easy to understand and play. To kink it up a notch, make one of the rules of the game be that the loser has to make the winner orgasm after they lose.

RELATED: The 5 BEST Sex Games To Play Via Text (To TOTALLY Turn Him On)

16. 30 Seconds

30 Seconds is one of the many sex games that’s meant to be foreplay to the main event. The idea behind it is that you only get 30 seconds to give as much pleasure as possible to your partner. Can you beat the clock and give them a Big O? You’re going to have to find out!

17. Sex Stack

Sex Stack is what happens when sex games happen to classic party games like Jenga. Just like the old-school bar favorite, the goal of this game is to not have the tower collapse on you while you’re removing the blocks. However, each block has a unique foreplay move you also have to perform — and some of them will really surprise you.

(Buy it on Amazon, $25)

18. Guess The Sex Toy

Blindfold your partner, use a sex toy on them, and have them guess which one it is. It’s simple, fun, and kinky.

19. Role-play Roulette

This one is simple but totally epic if you’re a fan of role-playing. Come up with a bunch of different role play situations, and write them on slips of paper. Put them in a bag, and find out which kinky situation you have to act out next.

20. Low Key Fantasy

Are you afraid to tell your partner what you want in person? This might be good if you’re coy about asking up front. Write a bunch of fantasies on a deck of cards, and ask them to pick one. Then, act out the fantasy that’s written there.

21. Play Prisoner

For this sex game, you’ll need a safe word. You then will need to tie your partner to a bed and blindfold him. Then, have your way with him in any means you find necessary.

22. Delivery Dare

Feeling hungry and have a friend who’s willing to help? Get your partner to call up the local “delivery place,” and then go down on them. Tell them to keep talking as if nothing’s happening while you’re performing. If they can place an order, you pay for lunch.

23. Follow the Trail

This is a classic sex game if ever there was one. Set up a scavenger hunt for your partner to complete or get a trail of rose petals to lead to the bedroom, with you as the final “prize.”

24. Never Have I Ever

Been dying to try this one wild act, but never did it before? Never Have I Ever is way easy to play, and all you need to do is say the things you’ve never done that you want to do. This will jog your partner’s imagination, and also get you lucky afterwards.

25. Master Says

BDSM fans, unite. For this game, one of you is the Master and the other is the sub. Master Says is just like Simon Says, except kinkier and it has sexual connotations. If you don’t do what Master says, you might end up getting spanked. (Note: Safe words are encouraged, here!)

26. Which Would You Rather?

If you’re looking to just start exploring your partner’s kinky side, asking them these questions would be a good start. Come up with 20 questions of what they’d rather do in bed, and use that information a little later.

27. Monkey See, Monkey Do

Voyeurs will love this. For this, you’re going to need a favorite set of sex clips. The object of this sex game is to copy what they’re doing — position, mood, and everything else — while watching the video.

28. Distract Me

Ever wanted to see how much of a distraction you can be to your partner? For this game, your partner will do a regular day-to-day activity. Your goal is to distract them and turn them on until they no longer can perform that task.

29. Mute Button

Is your partner loud in bed? This game will be a challenge! The idea behind this game is to keep your partner as quiet as possible while you do naughty things to them. If they are able to stay silent after they cross the finish line, make sure to give them a prize. If they can’t, stop what you’re doing, then start again.

30. Naked Twister

You know how you can get Twister on Amazon and make it seem innocent? Well, it wasn’t always that way. This was one of the top sex games of the 60s and 70s, and for good reason. It lets you stay limber, show off your body, and maybe find a new sex position, too. As with many other swinger-friendly games, the more, the merrier with this one.

(Buy it on Amazon, $19.99)

RELATED: 21 Super Sexy ‘Would You Rather’ Questions For A HOT Night In

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she’s not writing, she’s drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.

How To Fix A Broken Marriage (Before It Leads To Divorce) -Tango

Entertainment, relationship

If you ‘like’ us, we’ll LOVE you!


how to avoid divorce when your marriage is broken


Don’t wait until it’s too late.

When couples get married, they are so in love and believe that there is nothing that is going to come between them or cause them to be unhappy. Though most believe that initially, the bottom seems to drop out of that belief pretty quickly. How could this person that you married be so incredibly uncaring or messy or self-centered, etc?

You begin to question what you ever saw in this person or why you ever thought that your marriage would be so wonderful. Every day you find yourself becoming more and more frustrated and angry at him. You become resentful of his very presence in your life.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)

How can he not see what you need and want, especially if you are now pointing it out to him!

Before you begin to throw darts his way, it’s time to take a close look at what YOU have been doing that has contributed to the brokenness you are experiencing in your relationship. Did you know that each of you contributes good things in your relationship and bad things? It is possible to fix this relationship before it ends in divorce, but you have to be willing to do some work on yourself.

Here are 5 steps that can help you fix your broken marriage before it ends in divorce:

1. Identify the problem areas.

You must recognize that there is a problem in your marriage that will not just go away and that you play a part in it. Too often people believe that problems will just fix themselves without any initiative on their part. You may look at the problem as his to fix.

After all, you are the model spouse. You do everything right. He should just know what you need and want without you having to tell him. It’s his fault that things are coming apart in your relationship.

You make it known to him all the time that you are not happy with him. You spend your days and nights cleaning up after him and make all kinds of noise to let him know that you are not happy with doing this. He never seems to get the hint. He just gets mad!

2. Pay attention to how you’re communicating.

The way you communicate with him has a huge impact on the reaction you get from him. Out of your own anger and frustration, you begin to communicate with him in a very angry, sarcastic manner. You seem to be angry all the time (at least to him).

There is nothing he can do that does not invoke an angry response from you. Every conversation he tries to have with you seems to turn into an argument. Learning to talk to each other in a respectful and civil way can begin to turn things around.

Talking to him about why, for example, his messes make you angry. Telling him what you expected in your marriage is also extremely important. He may know some things but to assume that he should just know what you are thinking and feeling means you believe he can read your mind.


He cannot and never could read your mind. You and your spouse need to talk about what is important to you and to him. You make decisions about how to treat one another based on your communication that is clear, open, honest, and respectful; and don’t use sarcasm!

RELATED: 10 Dos And Don’ts For HEALTHY Relationship Communication

3. Check your negativity levels.

Your attitude about your spouse also must change from negative to positive. If someone is always negative in how they approach you, you would become discouraged and angry too. Your spouse may have come to the place of believing that it doesn’t matter what he does or doesn’t do; you are always going to find fault with him.

If that is the case, then why should he even try to please you? Something that might help you is thinking about what are the annoying things that you can choose to live with. There are some things in relationships that are just not worth creating brokenness, such as, which way someone puts the toilet paper on or where that person squeezes the toothpaste, etc.

If you have an issue about something, it would be important to think it through and if it is important enough to you, talk about it. But remember that neither of you is right nor wrong.

You are just different in how you do things. Some may be gender differences and some may be because you come from two different families and two different ways of doing things. As you begin to approach the differences with a more positive attitude about your spouse, you may find that both of you begin to be less annoying and more loving toward each other.

4. Don’t just point the finger outward.

You must be willing to make changes yourself if your relationship is going to change for the better. You may have decided that it is not fair that you have to make changes while your spouse just goes about his life doing what he wants. However, you can only change yourself and your spouse can only change himself.

If you desire for things to be different and especially desire that things be much better, then you will need to be open to getting the ball rolling and make some changes yourself. Think before you speak. Ask yourself if what you are about to say is really true.

Next, ask yourself if it will be helpful to say it. Then, consider if it will really inspire change in your spouse or will it just be plain hurtful. Ask yourself if it is necessary to talk about and think about how you need to approach it so your spouse hears you (not at the top of your lungs or with an attitude).

Then consider whether what you are about to say is truly kind or if you’re about to blow up out of anger.

5. Learn to be patient.

Remember that changes take time. You will need to keep doing things differently on a consistent basis if you want these changes to become a part of your marriage. It is always easy to fall back into old patterns of thinking and behavior so you have to be intentional about making the changes and continuing to make those changes.

If you are struggling with a “broken marriage” that seems to be heading for divorce, don’t give up. Get the outside professional help you need before it is too late! We are here to help you to make your relationship better than it has ever been. Please contact us and we will help you get back on track in your marriage.

RELATED: 30 Communication Habits That Will Help Your Relationship Thrive

Work through the steps above. Go to our website and download the instructive worksheet to help you follow the process. If you are still having difficulty making change happen, please contact David and Debbie. We can help you figure out how to have the relationship you desire.

If you ‘like’ us, we’ll LOVE you!

7 Ways To Reinvent Your Life After Divorce (Even If You Still Love Your Ex)

Entertainment, relationship

how to move on after getting divorced

Reinvention after divorce is critical to your well-being.

Moving on after divorce seems so much easier when you can say with confidence that your ex is an asshole. But what happens when he’s not and you still have to say goodbye?

Reinventing yourself and your life after divorce when you’re still in love with your ex can make you doubt yourself and your future.

No matter how long it has been since your relationship ended, when you think about what’s next, your mind can’t help but wonder what it would’ve looked like (dare I say, should have looked like) if your partner had stayed in the picture.

Your limited mind (your thoughts attached to the physical world) laments the loss of, what you perceived, was a fantastic partner. Your expansive mind (your highest wisdom) knows it is time to learn how to move on.

This tug of war between the two parts of you is exactly what’s got you stuck.

RELATED: 10 Ways Life After Divorce Is So Much Better (Really!)

Reinventing yourself after divorce when you’re still in love with your ex, however, is absolutely critical to your overall well-being.

Here are 7 thought habits that will create a faster and healthier path forward in your life after divorce:

1. Give credit where credit is due.

The fact that you haven’t fashioned a monster out of your spouse means you’re not a monster either. Give yourself a pat on the back for being the kind of person who can keep your eye on the good in someone even while you’re in pain.

A whole host of emotions crop up during the grieving process, most of them unsavory. However, no matter what comes up for you, you have the truth of your ability to love, in all conditions, as an underpinning for who you are. Remember that this is one of your strengths moving forward and you’ll be able to capitalize on it in a myriad of contexts.

It’s much easier to build on what works well (your compassion and insight) than try to fix what doesn’t (hard feelings or frustration).

2. No “buts” — only “ands.”

When you lose a wonderful someone, you give up more than your day to day life with them, you sacrifice your envisioned future together. Most of the triggers for your pain come from a now impossible, imagined “someday”.

If an ex-shaped hole arrives in your vision of what’s to come gently remind yourself using the word “and” that you’re moving forward without them. Instead of, “I know I’m moving forward but I wish I he was here with me”, use “I know I’m moving forward and I wish he were still here with me.”

Create space for both realities (the sucky and the not-so-sucky) so your consciousness can catch up to the fact that you are (even without them) moving forward.

Before you know it, the “I’m moving forward” will move from a wispy thought to a powerful feeling. The ghost of your ex will appear as fond memories rather than a longing for his presence.

3. Focus on today’s dynamic.

Yesterday, you met each other’s needs. Today, you don’t. Yesterday, the future required your partnership. Today, it doesn’t.

Priorities shift, personal needs emerge, purpose begs for attention and the consequences of answering these inner imperatives (or not) invariably changes people. Evolution is as necessary as it is inevitable.

The fact that you’re divorced means that one of 3 things happened:

  • Your partner grew over time and you didn’t.
  • You grew over time and your partner didn’t.
  • You both grew over time in different directions.

Sit in that reality for while. When one or both of you grow your ability to meet each other’s needs changes. Is it really hard to let the new, differently focused person go when you realize that you no longer serve each other’s highest good?

Focus on today; it’s the only real space and time you have anyway.

RELATED: 10 Things You Must Do In Your First Year As A Divorcée

4. Own your shortcomings and celebrate your achievements.

Now is the perfect time to take an inventory on both areas of improvement as well as your achievements.

Take a look at what changed in you over time:

  • Were you once excited about life and now it feels like a drudge? Find your spark.
  • Were you once quiet and reserved and now you enjoy socializing? Get out and socialize more.

Remember to take stock of what has continued to improve as well:

  • Have you become more patient over time? Congrats! Patience is a virtue!
  • Do you feel like you empathize more after going through some rough things? That goes in your toolbox too.

Let me remind you of this oh-so-important factoid: you are an incredible person, 100 percent, on your own. That has always been true and it remains true as you look forward.

Look at what you’re doing right now this very second. You’re reading this article. That means that you already are moving forward on your own. You already are reinventing yourself. Even if you did enter this phase of your life under protest, kicking and screaming, you already are in the throes of your new journey!!

So own your shortcomings and embrace your achievements because you are 100 percent enough.

5. Be patient.

With a renewed focus on you and your future, the new patterns take time to cement within you. Give them due course and allow yourself some backslides too. Let “Progress, not perfection” be your new mantra.

You’re leveling up in life. While you’ve garnered the skills you need to do better and be better they’re going to take some practice. There’re no guarantees where the future is concerned. Stay present to what you have now. After all, “now” is all you ever really have anyway.

6. Get to the root of your anger.

Anger is not only the second stage of grief, she is a deceitful conniving manipulator!! Did you know she’s not even really “anger” most of the time? She’s unaddressed frustration, fear, confusion, loneliness and a whole host of hurtful emotions.  Anything that hasn’t had its fair share of your conscious focus and intent to heal will eventually come out as anger.

The thing is…one day you’re all, “I’m still in love with my ex.” After taking some steps into your empowerment, however, you start to see that your former life partner didn’t always act like he was on your team, or seemed to have ulterior motives, or (on some days) must’ve been a goddamn alien from another planet because who was that selfish asshat walking around in the body of the one you love most?!

Anger allows you to put some distance between you and your pain so you can move toward acceptance. Although it’s useful, don’t let it redefine your entire experience. Find that unresolved feeling and deal with anger at the root. You’ll help yourself through this rough patch and prevent future anger from rearing its ugly head.

7. Clean house.

Literally and figuratively clean house. The plethora of benefits of being in a clean home is enough to get us scrubbing, polishing and donating. The effects of a clean home when in the process of reinventing yourself after divorce, however, are really a metaphor for your fresh start.

When you want something new in your life, you’ve got to make space for it.

  • Does the new you enjoy tea instead of coffee? Donate the coffee maker and buy a tea subscription.
  • What if Queen You is ready to write that book, screenplay or blog? She need some space that isn’t filled with memories of all her old roadblocks!
  • Doesn’t Future Entrepreneur of the Year deserve a new office where the muscle memory to make lunch for the fam doesn’t take over? Heck yes, she does!!

Make a promise to yourself, right now, that you will cherish, relish, and nourish another person in your life that you love: YOU. Declutter your actual house. Dust out your emotional house. Overhaul your social house. Detox your body’s house, too, while you’re at it.

Like a sculptor passionately carving away the irrelevant bits of clay, you are a genius hard at work creating yourself as the masterpiece you really are.

Reinventing yourself after a divorce when you’re still in love with your ex is not an exercise in futility. It is absolutely achievable.

You will come out the other side of this mess with a better understanding of yourself and you’ll feel more empowered than ever to navigate change in your life (even when you wish you didn’t have to).

RELATED: 24 Ridiculous Divorce Lies You Should Never, Ever Believe

Triffany Hammond is a certified professional life coach who helps strong women tame their inner hot mess. Start with the book F.A.I.L.* to Win: 4 Simple Principles to Get You Out of Your Own Wayand follow up with a class. Everything you touch will get easier as you go. If there’s still more bitter in “bittersweet” than, there is sweet, download The Squeeze right now to help you manage any anxiety that crops up. 

This article was originally published at Triffany Hammond, LLC. Reprinted with permission from the author.

4 Things Every Successful Relationship Needs For Love To Last – Tango

Entertainment, relationship
dating tips

Don’t be blindsided by the person you’re with!

We’ve all heard the horror stories from all of the dates gone so wrong. We’ve most likely experienced some of those horror stories ourselves.

For example, being set up by friends who just “know” the right person for you. Or sitting across the table just staring at each other, with not a lot to say. Or your date “suddenly” gets a call and “has” to take off and apologizes.

Where do we learn dating tips that lead to successful relationships? Our friends? Our family members? Our own experiences? If you are a “conscious” person who is always learning about yourself and making the appropriate and necessary changes along the way, that’s great.

For the majority of people, dating is a process of often really bad experiences. Did you ever wake up one day and ask yourself when did this person change for the worse? How could I not have seen the signs?

RELATED: What A Healthy Relationship Needs If You Want It To Last

I’ve discovered four ways to help avoid these horrible experiences. These concepts are not taught in school, so we often have to painfully learn as we go, at best. Marriage can work with the right knowledge.

The divorce rate is so high because we don’t know how to pick “the right one” and we don’t know how to have healthy relationships when we do find the right one. As if this is not bad enough, many if not most people divorce and then repeat the same negative patterns in the new relationship or marriage.

Another reason for failed relationships is that often our self-esteem is not in place in a healthy, accurate manner. This is not a good thing. We attract about the same degree of self-esteem in the other person. So if realize that you keep attracting unhealthy people, you need to take a look at how you really see yourself inside.

These are 4 life actions that affect our dating and relationships. Understanding them leads to more awareness when you encounter them and what you can do about them:

1. Don’t get into a relationship with an agenda.

People often stay in a relationship because of an agenda. An agenda is a belief that something needs to be a certain way for us to be “OK”. For example: “I must be married by 30 yrs of age.”

When we have an agenda, it will often get in the way of the more beneficial decisions we would normally make.

2. Open your eyes and be willing to see red flags. 

I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me that they never saw the unhealthy qualities in the marriage or relationship until way down the line. We are talking sometimes years. They often report that the behavior “just showed up one day, out of the blue.”

The truth is that the behavior was there all the time but was ignored. “Love is blind” is not a helpful mantra when it conceals warning signs.

RELATED: If Your Partner Does These 12 Things, Run As Fast As You Can

3. Read up on some things you can expect in relationships.

Learn the concepts and skills that will help you navigate through a relationship — and life in general. For example: How do you have difficult conversations in a relationship? How do you determine healthy and unhealthy behaviors?

Without knowledge of these skills and concepts it can feel like navigating in the dark, not knowing what you are bumping into.

4. Give him time to show his true qualities.

Watch out for consistent behaviors for at least 6 months. It is very difficult to hide your true qualities for more than 6 months without being a sociopath — and for sure, no longer than one year. And you would have to be a really skilled sociopath on top of that for those unhealthy qualities to remain “hidden”.

Watch for consistent behavior in the relationship. This holds true for negative as well as positive behaviors. There may be an underlying reason for a person to temporarily exhibit negative qualities.

We all make mistakes but there is a difference between occasional “mistakes” and an overall theme of repeated negative behavior. Conversely, occasional “good” behavior does not negate an overall theme of unhealthy behavior.

RELATED: If You Have To Do Any Of These 7 Things, He’s Not The One

Susan Saint-Welch, LMFT, is a marriage and family psychotherapist who has been practicing in-person and online in California for over 20 years, helping radiant, single women get un-stuck and find the lasting love they deserve. She is passionate about teaching skills and concepts for healthier relationships, dating, and self-esteem. For more articles, follow her on her website Life and Relationships 101.

This article was originally published at lifeandrelationships101.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Tonto Dikeh: Actress says partners should never starve each other of sex

Celebrity Gists, News, NollyWood

Looks like Tonto Dikeh might have become a relationship expert as she is advising couples about their sex lives and on how not starve each other of their sexual desires.

The actress shared her thoughts on her Instagram page on Monday, May 9, 2018, saying that couples should always be ready to impress and if as a partner you desire to be given a good head, then ask for it.

“Let me just drop this right here: Just like you stay improved on your social, spiritual life so you should improve on your sexual life…learn new ways to please and be pleased!! Sex plays a major role in our physical life/relationship or marriage…


“Never starve your partner, as a matter of fact, be always ready to impress. You wanna be a boss, be a boss all around, you love a good head? Open up to your partner, if you are not satisfying them, someone else will. Sex isn’t a Christian or Muslim thing…having a great sex life in your marriage isn’t a sin,” she wrote.

Well guys, if you think Tonto Dikeh is the right person to take relationship sex advice from, then go for it as you’ve been tutored for free by the actress.

ALSO READ: Tonto Dikeh gives out iPhone 6 to a lucky fan


Tonto Dikeh plans to give out plot of land in Abuja to celebrate her birthday


Tonto Dikeh’s goody bags are here again as the actress promises to give out a plot of land to mark her forthcoming birthday.

The beautiful actress made this known via her Instagram page on Friday, May 4, 2018, were posted a photo of the things she would be giving out. She, however, wishes the lucky winner of the plot of land would be a church.


“KING TONTO   (I would really love to give the landed property to a bible believing church) #JUNE 9th #Small girl with a big GodKING TONTO   (I would really love to give the landed property to a bible believing church) #JUNE 9th #Small girl with a big God,” she captioned the photo.

via Tonto Dikeh: Actress says partners should never starve each other of sex — pulse.ng – Nigeria’s entertainment & lifestyle platform online

Emmanuel Adebayor Breaks Up With Girlfriend, Dillish Mathews Over Money Issues

Celebrity Gists, Entertainment, News
 It appears like the relationship between Dillish Mathews and Togolese footballer, Emmanuel Adebayor has come to an end. This is coming after the Big Brother Africa winner and the İstanbul Başakşehir player unfollowed each other on Instagram.The alleged breakup is happening even before the both of them could openly come out to state that they are in a relationship after months of keeping it underground.

Going by a chat between the both of them, one can conclude that Emmanuel Adebayor believes Dillish Mathews is a hypocrite who preaches one thing and does the opposite.
The BBA winner had posted to know what people would love to teach the world when Adebayor slid in with a comment. She proceeded by stating that she would love to teach the world to be kind, loving, respectful, sharing, patient, gentle and truthful.

Reacting to the comment, Emmanuel Adebayor pointed out that she lacks all those things which she claims to want to teach the world.

ALSO READ  LORD!!!: Woman Who Pretends To Be Blind To Beg For Alms Declares The Shocking Amount She Makes Per Day (PIC)

Things weren’t this way between the both of them few months ago. Back in February, Dillish got 300 red roses for Valentine from someone whom many reports pointed out to be Adebayor.
She wrote:

300 red roses! The most I’ve ever received in my life!!!! Thank you honey  kai I can’t stop smiling  #RealLifePrincess#JourneyOfAHumbleDreamer
Let’s see if they will come out about their breakup this time after failing to admit they are dating.
source: gst

Woman Allegedly Stabbed To Death On Her Birthday By Her Baby Daddy Over ‘Romantic Slap’ In Rivers State (Photos)

Crime, Legal, SEcurity

Late Desire Sokari West A promising young woman, Desire Sokari West has paid with her life after she reportedly gave her baby daddy a ‘romantic slap’ on her birthday. The tragic incident happened yesterday in Buguma area of Rivers State. It was gathered that the man went on rampage after the slap and murdered the […]


How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign



How To Get Him To Choose You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign

Make him see what’s so special about you, and use astrology to help.

Trying to get a guy’s attention can be reaalllly hard, especially when you feel like your vying for his attention over everyone else who might be interested in him.

Whether you want to just date him casually or you want him to see you as the one he should be in a serious relationship with, showing him that you’re the one he should be with (without seeming desperate or not interested enough) is a difficult process.

Take myself, for instance. I tend to be a little non-committal about pretty much everything in my life, even if I really care about something.

So, when it comes to dating, I tend to go for nonchalant and coy, but it always just comes off as bothered and not at all interested.

I know, I have some work on the face I put out to the world.

But I also feel like when I AM trying to get a guy’s attention that all I’m doing is seeming desperate and needy, even when that’s not how I’m feeling at all.

RELATED: How To Make A Move On A Guy, According To His Zodiac Sign

It’s a weird, fine line that I’m terrible at mastering. And I know that I’m definitely not alone in this mix of emotions.

There’s a difference between just wanting to date a guy and really wanting him to choose you over anyone else who might be interested.

How are you supposed to convince him of something like that?! Your guess is as good as mine.

But even when it seems difficult, it’s not impossible.

All you need to do is get into his mind and really use him as a guide to his heart.

Think of it this way: would you rather date someone who was interested in getting to know you or someone who was trying to impress you with the person he is?

RELATED: How To Attract Any Man Based On His Venus Sign

You would want someone who is actually interested in you, not just get into a relationship with anyone, right? Right! So, how do you do this? Astrology, of course!

Knowing his zodiac sign is the first step in using astrology to your advantage — and no, not to take advantage of him or manipulate him.

Think of it as cheat cards when you get lost. If he’s an Aries, he’s probably looking for someone he can have adventures with. If he’s a Virgo, he might be more attracted to intelligence.

So, if you wanted Aries to choose you, you probably wouldn’t act like a Virgo and vice versa. Make sense?

Each zodiac sign has their own personality traits and preferences when it comes to dating, and both of these things work together to help him choose the right person to date.

So, if you want to know how to get him to choose you (over someone else), you need to understand what his zodiac sign is looking for. After that, he’s all yours!

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Aries is a passionate guy and he wants whoever he’s dating to be just as passionate and “into” things as he is. The one way to make sure Aries is NEVER interested in you is to be totally unattached and disinterested.

If you’re not jumping up and down when he tells you that he’s planned a weekend away for the two of you or you tell him you don’t really care what you two do on Friday night, then he’s probably going to find someone else who IS interested.

If you want him to choose you over anyone else who’s interested in him, get excited! Start a food fight while you’re cooking dinner together, kiss him passionately when you’re out on the town, let yourself geek out when you’re actually excited about something instead of holding it in because you’re worried what he’s going to think.

And if you don’t really have the exact same interests? Just showing him that you’re not shy about talking about things that make you happy is something that will always keep you on his mind.

RELATED: These 18 Texts Will Get Your Man To Text Back F-A-S-T

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Taurus is a huge romantic, but he’s also crazy stubborn. So, the minute you hesitate when he’s making dinner plans or asking if you’re ready to take things to the next level, his mind is probably already on someone else… Sorry.

He likes when the person he’s dating to participate in the relationship just as much as he does – like how when a class says that you need participation points to pass, it means you’re gonna have to raise your hand a few times.

He might feel like he has to take control at first, but if he has to take control ALL the time, he’s going to lose interest. Smash all of those pre-conceived notions he has of needing to be a chivalrous boyfriend and be proactive!

Before he asks you what you want to do this weekend, plan a paddleboat ride through the park or buy tix to an outdoor concert and text him something like, “Hey! I was thinking about you this week and I’m really excited to spend some time together this weekend.

Hope you’re free Saturday because I’ve planned something awesome for us!” Five bucks says he floats through the rest of his week, knowing you’re doing something fun and romantic for the two of you.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Gemini can be a hard guy to read when it comes to figuring out if he’s totally into you or only kind of into you. Yes, you hit it off when you first met, but now that you two are in that weird stage where you’re hanging out and hooking up, but there are no labels yet, it’s hard to tell what he’s really looking for without grilling him.

We all know that Gemini is much better at starting relationships than following through with them, and his attention span might be working against you, but don’t forget that Gemini is the kind of guy who needs clear communication — not just hints.

Squash all of those, “Is he? Isn’t he?” questions you’re having and just hold his hand! It’s that easy, and you want to know why? Because instead of getting caught up in your thoughts, you’re just going for it.

He’ll love that you’re brave enough to show him you like him in public, but more simply, that you like him. He’s definitely not shy when it comes to PDA and if he knows that you’re willing to prove you’re into him and care about him, he definitely won’t be thinking about anyone else; make the first move and he’s yours.

RELATED: Zodiac Signs Who Love PDA (And The Ones Who Hate It), Ranked

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Disagree with me all you want, but cooking for someone is one of the most intimate things you can do when you’re really into them. Not only can you do sexy things like feed each other little tastes of what you’re cooking, but add some wine and intimate conversation by candlelight and you’ve got an amazingly romantic night together…

Oh, and the key to Cancer’s heart. The combination of all of these things, plus the fact that you’re willing to do something so personal for him, will make it an easy choice for him.

Plus, while Cancer does like going out on the town with his partner, he’s also a huge fan of cozy nights in and comfort food. And whether you make one of his favorite dishes or you totally wow the both of you with something unique and delicious, he’s definitely going to want to show off something he can cook, too.

And nothing is sexier than a little friendly competition, right? And another great way to keep him hooked? Make your dinner dates a weekly thing, so he has something to look forward to (AKA you).

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Not everyone prefers a night in, of course, because every zodiac sign has different tastes. Take Leo, for example. Unless going back to his place means he gets to show off his new silk bedsheets, he much prefers to take his partner out and show them off.

If you want Leo to choose you over someone else, you gotta be down to show off your power couple status and spend some cash. Lions are majestic creatures and Leo knows that going big is a good way to get noticed — especially by someone you like.

That said, Leo is also attracted to those who are courageous enough to make the first move because it means there’s a good chance you can keep up with him. What does making the first move look like for Leo? I’d say something along the lines of planning a lavish night out.

He’ll think it pretty sexy if you can woo him with some bubbly champagne, a nice meal, and a romantic walk around the city. Show him that you like the finer things in life, too, and he’ll be super impressed.

And the other great thing about dating Leo is that he fully believes in equality in relationships. So while you might be picking up the tab one night, he’ll be more than happy to pick it up next week. All he cares about is getting closer to you over chocolate-covered strawberries and low lighting… Ohhh, yeah.

RELATED: The GUARANTEED Way To Not Feel Awkward When He Pays

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

If you want to hook a Virgo man, you have to have GREAT conversation skills – like, you can talk to just about anyone and make them feel like they had a really meaningful conversation with you.

For Virgo, relationships are much more than just spending time together or being intimate; they’re also about opening up to a person that means a lot to you — not just anyone.

You can tell this means a lot to Virgo because he’s known for seeming a little closed off around people until he knows what they really want out of him. If you’re looking for a casual hook-up, keep lookin’ because Virgo isn’t interested.

To get Virgo to be interested in you and only you, tap into your sensitive side and open up to him. He’ll love it if you go to him for all of your deep, late-night conversations you want to have, and be even more infatuated with you if you want to spend time with him in person when you want to talk — rather than over the phone.

When he knows that you really do care about what he has to say and you want to know more about him, he’ll really feel like he’s making a deep connection with you that’s beyond anything he has with anyone else; and that’s BIG for Virgo.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libra is very intense when it comes to relationships; he’s looking for someone he can spend his life with, after all1 And when he feels like someone just isn’t putting their all into being with him, he tends to lose interest very fast.

Of course, you’re certainly not the only one out there looking to make a long-term commitment, so you want to make sure that you stand out from all the rest so that Libra can see just how special you truly are.

Libra is serious about love, so it’s a pre-requisite that you are too – no flaking on him after a few months! Once you decide that you are ready for the long haul, the best way to make him yours for good is to get excited about the future! Just saying you’re into him isn’t enough, and no, that doesn’t mean you have to start talking about babies, either.

Attracting Libra is all about letting the romance lead you. Take him to meet your family, schedule a day where his friends and your friends can get to know each other, and make him feel like he’s an important part of your life and future; make him believe in the phrase “when you know, you know.”

RELATED: Zodiac Signs Who Make Great Dads — Ranked From Best To Worst

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio is one of those guys who tend to be more interested in you when you pretend like you’re not interested in him. Yeah, crazy right? He’s in love with the chase, but he also needs to know that when he finally catches you that you’re going to stick around.

If he wants to keep things casual, he’ll make sure he never catches feelings, but there is a way to make sure that he is actually into you and not just playing around.

While he’ll be the first to flirt and play games with your heart, he’ll also secretly be testing the waters; asking you what you’re looking for in a guy and if you want something serious.

The biggest thing to make sure that he stays interested in you and no one else (besides feigning interest yourself) is being honest. Scorpio won’t even bother with the games if he thinks you’re just using him or saying what he wants to hear to keep him around.

If he asks you a serious question seemingly out of the blue, go with it. Say what’s in your heart so he knows he can trust you. When he inevitably goes back to the chase, play along; miss a few of his calls and leave every conversation with him wanting more and he’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Sagittarius wants adventure and someone to share memories with. He might not seem like it, what with his ability to make every relationship seem casual and unattached, but he’s had his fair share of love and loss.

He’s the kind of guy who’s constantly trying to grow from his mistakes and past experiences, so just because he seems like he’s bouncing around from one partner to another, he’s really just looking for that next important relationship. He’ll definitely want someone who can have fun rather than wanting to get too serious too fast.

Make him choose you over everyone else by making yourself the last person he thinks of every night before he goes to sleep. Late at night is Sagittarius’ time to ruminate on the important things and let his mind wander.

He might have a totally full schedule during the day, but it’s what he thinks about right before he goes to bed that’s most important to him. Ask him for company when you go on a late-night Taco Bell run or invite him on a last-minute weekend trip to the lake with you and your friends.

Whether it’s just the two of you together or a whole group of you, all he’ll see is that you’re willing to make him feel welcome in any situation. And if you really want to seal the deal, send him a flirty good night text, thanking him for spending time with you and making your day more exciting.

RELATED:8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Person Should Know (And Follow!)

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

When Capricorn looks for someone to get serious with, he looks at his prospects from a lot of different angles. The most important thing for him is making sure that his potential partner has a rich, full life outside of their relationship.

That means that if you want Capricorn in your life, you need to prove that you have ambition in your career, solid friendships, and a strong connection with your family. If he feels like you only ever go out when he asks you on a date or that you don’t care about being the best you that you can be, he won’t stick around for very long.

This might make it seem like Capricorn has a laundry list of expectations for you, but in reality, he just wants to have a strong relationship that is built on more than just spending time together.

You can prove that you’re the right one for him by putting as much effort into your career and self as you put into your relationship. Remember that spending time apart is just as healthy as spending time together — your relationship with Capricorn should be built on trust, openness, and respect, rather than just how much time you’re together.

When you’re honest about what you want from Capricorn, he’ll return the effort you put into the relationship and more.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius is a very independent man, so it’s hard for others to get him to let his guard down and really fall in love. But just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible – it just means you have to be willing to work a little harder than usual.

Aquarius’ biggest hang-up about not wanting to be in a relationship is based on two things: his independence and his mindset that not everyone gets him. He’s used to being his own problem solver and doesn’t want to give up his identity just to be with someone else.

If you want to get Aquarius to choose you, you need to show him that you care. Instead of swooping in to take care of all his problems, collaborate with him on what’s bugging him. And if he still wants to do his own thing, then show him that you still want to be around him and will always be there to listen and keep him company.

If you show him that you want to be his friend AND his partner, he’ll have a hard time resisting you; he can’t say no to someone who cares about him deeply.

RELATED:12 Ways To Get REAL About Your Life — So You Can FINALLY Love Yourself

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces is the guy who needs someone who constantly shows that they care about him before he can make things official. It can kind of freak him out when he realizes that he’s falling for you, but if he knows that there’s a good foundation for your relationship, he’s more than willing to push past his fears.

So, how do you get him to have heart eyes for you and you only? By expressing your emotions with each other. Pisces is a big feeler and he has a lot of emotions. But he needs to know that you’ll accept him no matter what and that your relationship is about giving and receiving.

If he thinks that he’s doing all the talking, then he’ll feel like he’s just bothering you and stop. Prove to him that you’re sticking around for more than just a casual hook-up or friendship by being the one he comes to first whenever he wants to talk.

Share your emotions and thoughts with him candidly and often, and he’ll hit you up whenever he wants to talk or hang out. Pisces is looking for a friend and a confidant; someone who makes him feel special and wanted, no matter what he’s going through. Plus, emotional maturity is crazy sexy and Pisces is all over that

Don’t do it! 6 people share their cautionary tales of sex with the Ex – Bibi Lynch

Entertainment, personality, relationship


Well, this is awkward (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Ex didn’t mark the spot, if you get my sledge-hammer drift. ‘I projectile vomited over all of them’:

10 people tell us the worst things ‘drunk them’ did I know people say ex-sex is great because they know what turns you on – but I say it grates because you know what turned you off (them). A memorable not-quite-blast from the past caught me clocking Tampax in his bathroom cabinet (‘regular’, so I knew they weren’t his) and a piece of paper with a phone number and ‘Helen Big Tits’ written on it. See? Not the most orgasmic of set-ups. Look back in anger, kids. But not with lust.

Jack, 23, from Taunton Oh God, no. I wouldn’t do sex with the ex. Not me. But deffo someone at my sixth form did. And he deserved what happened, TBF. He broke up with his sixth-form girlfriend before going to uni and then started dating someone else there. He’d been slagging his ex off behind her back, calling her fat and saying he was much better off now with the girl he was with. Somehow, this gets back to his ex who, the next time he’s back home for summer, flirts like crazy with him until he sleeps with her again, thinking he’s Mr Big Shot who pulls all the women. She then goes and tells all his mates they shagged, obviously in the hope it gets back to his girlfriend. Which, somehow, it does. Moral of the story? Girls are crazy, man – never, ever, make them angry…..


Read More at: Metro

Meet the woman with a husband, fiancé and two boyfriends

News, personality, relationship



(Picture: MEN Media)

Mary Crumpton has more men in her life than the average 44-year-old. As well as a husband, she also has a fiancé and two boyfriends. The former teacher started exploring polyamory aged 29, having been brought up in quite conventional surroundings. ‘I was brought up in quite a traditional home,’ she says. ‘I had boyfriends and was monogamous.

Having more than one partner never crossed my mind. In my twenties, I got married and settled down in Chorlton fully intending to be with my husband for life. ‘At the time I didn’t really question having just one partner. It was normal. I did sometimes have feelings for other people, but I felt guilty about doing so and just took it as a sign that I didn’t love my husband enough. When the marriage didn’t work out, I met someone else, and started a monogamous relationship with him.

‘The idea that loving more than one person might not make me a terrible human being only dawned on me when, at a pub, I bumped into a person who had more than one partner. I had never come across it before, or the term “polyamory” which means “more-than-one love”. I was quite shocked, and curious about how it all worked for them.’ She says that her partner was with her when she met the polyamorous stranger and he was curious about it too.

Mary and Timothy Crumpton

Mary and Timothy Crumpton on their wedding day. The couple now co-habit with Mary’s fiancé John, who she will ‘marry’ in a commitment ceremony this year (Picture: MEN Media)

One of the lovely things about a life with more than one partner is that there is no pressure on one person to supply all my needs. My husband Tim and I share an enthusiasm for environmentalism and all that entails, like electric cars, and veganism. With my fiancé John I enjoy watching science fiction and we go to church together. ‘With Michael, I like to watch and support him playing for his local darts team at the Royal Oak, and we go to karaoke nights – which is possibly more embarrassing than admitting to polyamory!

‘Living in a house with more than one partner is something I have done for a number of years now. I suppose in many ways it is no different from living in a shared house with a group of friends, or family. All the usual things about whose turn it is to wash up, etcetera. Tim and John get on well, I suppose a bit like brothers, going on bicycle rides together for example. So it seems to work okay. They have something in common in that they both love me of course, and friends joke that I need two of them to keep me in line.’

As in any relationship, insecurities can arise but Mary thinks that perhaps there’s less jealousy because there’s no need to lie about infidelities in an open relationship. ‘Sometimes there might be a fear that a new partner is “better” in some way than a current one, but good communication and offering reassurances allows that to be dealt with.

‘In many ways, I have found that being in open relationships has forced me to communicate much better. I am very honest and open with my partners about my feelings and needs, in a way that I didn’t have the courage to be in previous monogamous relationships. So I think I have grown as a person, and have better and stronger relationships now. ‘Of course, all of that is possible in monogamous relationships, and I am not suggesting polyamory is in any way better, just different. But it works well for me personally.’

As for other people’s reactions, Mary says most people have been great – although she has been called a ‘slapper’ and a ‘slag’. ‘I have had women assume that I am a “man-eater” and will try to seduce their husband – to be honest, that just makes me laugh. I have also been told that what I do is “against God’s law”, though in fact there are many instances of multiple marriages in religious texts, and there are denominations of both Christianity and Islam that allow multiple marriages. ‘Mostly though, people are open to my lifestyle – they can see that I am honest with my partners and that we are all happy, so they see it as no one’s business but ours.’

Mary, 44, says that despite being polyamorous, she is quite old fashioned and likes to get to know her men before things turn physical

Mary Crumpton(Picture: MEN Media)

And Mary is pretty traditional in the way she goes about starting relationships. She says that she doesn’t ‘do’ one-night-stands and that she generally waits a month before becoming sexual with anyone she starts dating. ‘I suppose in that sense I am old-fashioned. My relationships themselves vary in how sexual they are – one of them being more platonic with not much more than cuddling and kissing. ‘I suppose that, for me, is another good thing about polyamory – each relationship can find its own level in terms of sex and with other things too. And there is no pressure on one relationship to tick all the boxes, so to speak.’ Mary is standing at the next local election for the Chorlton ward representing the Green Party.




Non-Mattress Sex


The first time I gave a blowjob it wasn’t on a mattress or even in a bedroom.

I was in 7th grade at a little friend get-together at one of my then-BFF’s house. I had a boyfriend but we never talked or anything before this night except through text.


We went into the bathroom when everyone else was watching E.T. and I gave him a “blowjob” but not to completion. I hated it and didn’t want to continue so I just got up. Afterwards, he broke up with me and everyone made fun of me for giving him “blue balls”– I had no idea what that even meant.

I was scared to do that favor for anyone else I dated again because I didn’t want to give them said; “blue balls.”

I stuck to making out and sticking my hands down boys’ pants just for a feel. That lasted until the end of 8th grade/the summer going into 9th grade. I was dating this boy who I thought I was in love with. He was the first boyfriend I had that I was comfortable around– I actually talked to him and sat by him during school. We went to the movie theatre together… during the movie I kept sticking my hand down his pants and playing with his balls. I even remember which movie we were watching… it was 500 Days of Summer. Before the movie ended, we ran into the family bathroom together and I gave him a blowjob (yes, to completion) and it was the first time I let someone stick their fingers in me. My dad was in the parking lot, waiting for me, and constantly texting me to hurry up and get out there.

Photo by Toa Heftiba

When I lost my virginity… I was in a bedroom but there were other people on the bed and futon that were in there so my then-boyfriend and I went into my walk-in closet, laid down on the floor, and did it there.

The boy I lost my virginity to and I often had sex outside… at the benches in public parks (even in pure daylight) was one of our main spots or even outside in the yard of any of our friends’ house (when it got dark). We just never had anywhere that we were welcome to stay and have sex at because we were so young, you know?

Photo by James Pond

Everyone else I was intimate with… I kept it tame and used mattresses to have sex on top of like normal people. When I was a junior in HS; I moved to Washington state and met a few boys I liked. The last boy I had a thing with and I were still seeing each other the day I found out I was going back home to Minnesota. I snuck out of the house and met up with him. We had sex literally inside a bush and I left my undies in there when we finished. K’s dad found us stumbling out of the bush together.

When I came home to Minnesota and got back together with my boyfriend I lost my virginity to… we had sex anywhere and everywhere we could… we walked around to places all of the time. Neither of us had a car or parents that cared enough to pick us up and drop us off.

Photo by Malte Wingen

When we finally broke up, I was already out of High School. I started dating a DJ that played at the first club I worked at. He fingered me inside the DJ booth while everyone else was working. Of course, we wanted to finish what we started but we weren’t completely comfortable with each other (I barely knew him at all). At the end of our shift, we met at his car in the parking garage and had sex. It was the first car sex I’d ever had and the first time I had done anything like that at my place of employment!!

I didn’t have any out-of-the-norm sex adventures with anyone else really until I met my current boyfriend. We’ve had car sex a few times… and one time, we had sex in the family restroom at the Fashion Show Mall. 

Photo by Free Stocks

Where have you had sex that wasn’t on a mattress? No need to answer me if you’re uncomfortable but I am interested… 😉 I feel like sex that happens noton a mattress or in a bedroom is so much more real… like, neither of you were able to wait for a more “appropriate” time. It always seems to be more intense and pleasurable, too– in a way completely different from “normal” sex.

xo, Hunida

George and Barbara Bush, a ‘storybook’ 73-year marriage

Celebrity Gists, international News

By MICHAEL GRACZYK   – Associated Press

Former first couple George and Barbara Bush’s relationship is a true love story, described by granddaughter Jenna Bush Hager as “remarkable.”


HOUSTON (AP) — They met at a Christmas dance. She was 16. He was 17.

Three years later they were married. Now 73 years later, they are the longest-married couple in presidential history.

“George Bush knows how I feel,” Barbara Bush has said. “He is the hero… He is my hero.”

With her former president husband still at her side, former first lady Barbara Bush has decided to decline further medical treatment for health problems and focus instead on “comfort care” at their home in Houston.

Family spokesman Jim McGrath disclosed Barbara Bush’s decision Sunday. The 92-year-old had been in the hospital recently for congestive heart failure and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. She had heart valve replacement surgery in 2009 and a long history of treatment for Graves’ disease, a thyroid condition.

The couple’s relationship is a true love story, which granddaughter Jenna Bush Hager described Monday as “remarkable.”

The former president “still says, ‘I love you Barbie’ every night,” Hager said on NBC’s “Today”, where she works. They had six children, including Hager’s father, former president George W. Bush, making Barbara Bush one of only two first ladies to also be a presidential mother. The other was Abigail Adams, wife of John Adams, the nation’s second president, and mother of John Quincy Adams, the sixth president.

George H.W. Bush, 93, has described the mother of their six children as “the mainstay, of course, the parent who was always there to help solve the daily problems and emergencies of teen and preteen life.”

In her 1994 memoir, Barbara Bush describes her and her husband as “the two luckiest people in the world, and when all the dust is settled and all the crowds are gone, the things that matter are faith, family and friends. We have been inordinately blessed, and we know that.”

Their first meeting left an indelible impression on young George Bush.

“I’m not much at recalling what people wear, but that particular occasion stands out in my memory,” he says in his autobiography.

The band was playing Glenn Miller tunes and he asked a friend from Rye, New York, if he knew the girl across the room in the green and red holiday dress. The friend introduced him to Barbara Pierce, a publisher’s daughter from Rye who was going to school in South Carolina.

The next song was a waltz.

“Since I didn’t waltz, we sat the dance out. And several more after that, talking and getting to know each other,” George H.W. Bush said. “It was a storybook meeting.”

Within eight months, they’d met each other’s families, were engaged in August 1943 and married Jan. 6, 1945, four months after Bush was shot down over the Pacific. He’d been the Navy’s youngest aviator when he got his wings and carried the name “Barbara” on his Grumman Avenger torpedo bomber.

After the war, he attended Yale and they moved to Texas. Her husband made his mark in the oil business as the couple grew their family and turned to politics, a journey that would take them around the world and into the White House.

“You have given me joy that few men know,” George Bush wrote to her, according to a collection of letters published in 1999.

“I have climbed perhaps the highest mountain in the world, but even that cannot hold a candle to being Barbara’s husband,” he also said.

Photos taken of the couple by The Associated Press over the decades have captured moments of care, such as when Barbara Bush applied sunscreen to the 41st president’s nose at a 2015 baseball game between the Houston Astros and Seattle Mariners; and candor, notably after Bush stepped on his wife’s toe in 1989 while boarding Air Force One.

Their marriage also has endured more serious trials.

A daughter, Robin, died in 1953 of leukemia a few weeks before her 4th birthday.

Barbara Bush has recalled a bout of depression in the mid-1970s.

“Night after night, George held me weeping in his arms while I tried to explain my feelings,” she said. “I almost wonder why he didn’t leave me.”

Just last year, allegations surfaced that Bush, who for more than five years has used a wheelchair for mobility, inappropriately touched more than a half dozen women on their buttocks as they stood next to him to take photos.

Through McGrath, Bush issued repeated apologies “to anyone he has offended.”

“George Bush simply does not have it in his heart to knowingly cause anyone distress,” McGrath said.

Also last year, they both wound up in the same Houston hospital — the former president with pneumonia; his wife with bronchitis.

In 2013, she told C-SPAN in an interview that they pray aloud each night “and sometimes we fight over whose turn it is.”

In the same conversation, she said she didn’t fear death for herself or “my precious George.”

“I know there is a great God, and I’m not worried,” she said.


The Sex They Don’t Tell You About by Rachael Corral


When I was growing up in my formative tween/pre-teen years purity aka abstinence became a mainstream movement within the church. I know sexual purity has been apart of church doctrine for centuries; it is one of the topics most denominations agree upon. However, in the late 90’s in my church circle and probably yours,  purity rings and father daughter covenant balls became a thing. Maybe it was an over-correction from the Boomers and Generation Y who were now parents of teens. They regretted their own youthful bad decisions and wanted to make sure we were protected.  Perhaps it was the rise of internet pornography and how readily available it was to our generation. Secular media has always been anti-waiting-till-marriage this was nothing new; but with outlets like MTV and VH1 we were now seeing soft porn dressed up as music videos in our living rooms.  Whatever the cause, for good or bad, this purity movement helped shape all I knew and believed about sexuality and dating.

I was fascinated with the subject and soaked in any and all information I could find on the subject. Mind you this was before Google, so my information came from my mother, Christian books on the subject, Christian teen girls magazine, Christian radio programs, my youth pastor and youth leaders. I was young and had not learned how to separate opinion from fact. I took in everything on the subject as absolute truth and as a result purity became a very literal, legalistic state of being.

Instead of teaching the future generations how to manage themselves and delay gratification we were taught to resist and protect ourselves from the lust and perversion of the flesh. Don’t have sex or commit any sexual acts before marriage. As a matter of fact, don’t date, don’t kiss before marriage and never let yourselves be alone before marriage. Oral sex is a sin, inside and outside of marriage. Masturbation is a sin. French kissing is essentially intercourse with your mouth so if you are going to choose to kiss before marriage make sure you are not french kissing. Do not ever (even platonically) touch a person of the opposite sex; you might incite lust in their heart. Definitely do not let them touch you, it can transfer spirits. Guard your heart with all diligence, guard your mind, your eye gate and your ear gate. Do not dress in a way that could even be perceived as seductive, you don’t want to cause your brother to stumble. We based an entire theology around dating and purity upon what  a 21 year old young man (who had never had a real relationship) wrote about in a very cleverly titled book. The author postulated that dating is practicing for divorce and doing irreparable damage to your heart so that you have nothing left to give to your future spouse. We know now the author’s intention was not to create a legalistic doctrine around dating, only to cause us to question why we do what we do. The church, however, took it and ran. Probably because it was the safest option. Cue a generation of young Christians who are scared to define a relationship out of fear that they will end up dating someone who is not their future spouse.

In the Christian world there is a stigma about the topic of sex and very few people are talking honestly about it. If they do talk about sex it is either preaching abstinence/purity, or raving about the wonders of sex in marriage. This is very damaging because it is not the whole story, it is not the full truth and it is not necessarily God’s heart on the subject. Shame hides in the dark, it lies to us telling us that we are the only ones. It causes us to only show our version of the best parts of ourselves, we hide the things we are ashamed of. Think of an infection left hidden and buried deep. It is going to spread, if left long enough it will turn to sepsis and you could die. The best treatment for an infection is to open it up, clean everything out and allow it to heal. The goal of shame is to keep us quiet and separated from others, if it is exposed to the light, it will have no power.

So let’s talk about some of the awkward, shameful lies about sex and purity that I have believed most of my life. The majority of these I did not learn until I was already married. It was then, that I was confronted with how many erroneous ideas I held about sex.

Lie 1: Purity is a physical state of being. The standard of purity is the same across the board.

Purity is a state of your heart. It is a very personal and individual process for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all guideline. If you are convicted over something don’t do it, but you also do not need to put your convictions on everyone else. Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Practical application: If you are in a relationship you need to be brave and have the very awkward conversation to make sure you are both on the same page with how far is too far. Respect each others boundaries, protect each others purity

My belief system around purity was that it was something that could be tarnished or contaminated. I lived my life like God was keeping score, turns out it was just me. Whenever people talked about purity they never seemed to give people the whole truth because they were afraid that it would be taken as an excuse to sin. I was taught that God forgave, but you would never be able to erase the scars of your actions. While yes, some consequences might be permanent (a child for example), God is always a God of hope and healing and restoration. No one is too far gone that God can’t restore them, and my sin is not too big of a problem for Jesus’ blood to cover. I worked tirelessly to “keep myself pure” and it was a very hard pill for me to swallow when I realized that I had been striving for years to protect my purity motivated out of trying to earn God’s blessing instead of out of a heart conviction. Not that it doesn’t count or that I regret my decisions; I believe God still blesses us in our ignorance. I wasted so much time and effort when I could have been resting in God’s grace and focusing on other things. When I received a revelation of God’s grace it set me free from trying to have to be good enough, pure enough. Where I looked down and judged others who were not holding themselves to the same standard I was, God reminded me that sin is sin, He already paid the price for it. God does not classify sin, the church has been the ones who do that.

Lie 2: Having a sex drive before marriage is a sin.

God created us perfectly. Yes, we have hormones and desires and urges before we can “legally” use them. It is a sin? NO! Do we need to learn how to manage our appetite and delay gratification? Yes.

I had spent years feeling guilty and condemned thinking I had a problem with lust and perversion. I prayed and fasted for God to take away my lustful desires. Turns out I am a normal human and have hormones. This is one of those tricky areas where people begin to debate what is sin and what is not. Temptation in and of itself is not the sin. When you own the temptation as yours, that is when it could be sin. For example if you have a bad thought, the thought itself is not sin, but there is a point where you will either choose to own the thought by continuing to think and build on the original thought or you will choose to push it out and think of something else.

Lie 3: Sex is dirty and wrong, it is shameful and should not be talked about.

No, no and no. God intentionally created sex, it is not an accident or an afterthought. He is not embarrassed by it, He does not think it is dirty or wrong. In the context of marriage, it is a gift, a covenant, it is an act of worship, the most intimate expression of God’s love for us. Sexual intimacy dispels doubt, creates connection, fosters emotional intimacy, relieves stress, releases oxytocin (bonding hormone), helps you sleep and the list can go on and on. If any of that feels untrue you might want to readjust your mindset. It is not shameful at all. If you feel shame around sex or being sexual, it is a lie. Recognize it, confront it and refuse to partner with it. It might not be an instant mindset change, it might take practice renewing your mind. Like I said before shame thrives and feeds off of secrecy. When you expose it, its power is gone. Talk about it, to your husband or wife, a trusted friend, a counselor or therapist. If that seems to scary and daunting, start small. Say it out loud to yourself, write it in a journal. When you recognize and confront shame you will notice things will begin to shift for you.

This has been one of the harder mindsets to shift for me after being married. I knew in my head that sex in marriage is good and not shameful, but still felt yuck about the whole situation. For me, it took saying what I believed to be true about sex and sexuality out loud to my life coach. Just saying the lies out loud helped me to make that connection from my head to my heart and really recognize and know that I was choosing to believe and partner with the lie that sex is shameful.

Lie 4: Saving yourself for marriage automatically equals great sex when you are married.

Great sex comes from practice and a mutual commitment to connection and growth within all aspects of the marriage. It does not always come naturally and not many people will tell you that. The very little we do hear in the church about sex in marriage is typically painted as this magical, amazing thing. With divorce rates about 50% right now, inside and outside of the church, and sexual incompatibility cited as one of the main reasons for divorce, maybe we are not getting the full truth. We are doing everyone a disservice by not telling or exaggerating our truth truth. People who are having problems in the sexual aspect of their relationship are less likely to seek help because they feel like they are the only ones. Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of married couples who have amazing sex lives, this is in no way saying sex in marriage sucks. I just want to let you know if you are having problems it is not as uncommon as you might think. Real life is not a romance movie, there will be ups and downs. Most people bring several of the following into their marriage bed that they will need to work through at some time or another in order to have mutually satisfying sexual intimacy. Things like emotional baggage, unrealistic expectations, trust issues, pre-conceived ideas from previous relationships, intimacy issues, pornograpy or sexual addictions, previous sexual abuse, bad communication to name a few. Then there are physical obstacles that might present themselves at sometime throughout your marriage like impotence, low testosterone or physical conditions that make sex painful, libido killing hormones from birth control, pregnancy or breastfeeding. Hold onto hope, have patience and work on creating a safe space for connection, communication and growth.

Honest moment; my wedding night fell miserably short of all the hype. I was devastated and so confused because it was not like they said it would be. Sex has been a very sore subject for us and we have been struggling for years. It has not been one single thing or just one persons problem. It has been a cumulation of many things. Such as,w the very difficult and emotional circumstances surrounding our wedding, miscommunication and misinterpretation, unrealistic expectations, my hormones being all out of whack from birth control, among other things. I have had a very hard time wrapping my head around this lie. I sat in hopelessness for a long time until I decided that I was done being the victim. I had wrestle and rumble with all sorts of negative emotions and false mindsets and belief systems about the whole situation. I have had to mourn the death of my unrealistic expectations created in the naiveté of youth. To combat all the lies that I had partnered with surrounding sex and purity as well as grieve all the hard work and years of striving that were misplaced and unnecessary. It has not been an easy process by any means. My husband has had his own journey. It is awkward and uncomfortable, but our commitment to seek health and wholeness in this area has deepened our connection and strengthened our marriage. We are still in our process, but we can see how far we have come and the light at the end of the tunnel grows brighter and brighter.


Married to Their Smartphones (Oh, and to Each Other, Too) – Godinterest


Neither Joe or Willy are having an affair. But one of them has found a new object of affection, which has become a new companion and inspires a surprising amount of jealousy among her spouse – its the new relationship buster: the smartphone. “It helps me wake up,” she said.

“Experts say that smartphone use is meddling in our marriages in ways that are sometimes benign, and often forcing couples to address an ever more important question: At what point are we choosing to spend more time with our smartphones than with our spouses? (Christian Marriages, Too)”

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the warmth and intimacy of marriages are ebbing away with a culture of dings, beeps and buzzes as most people manage everything from bank accounts to fantasy football teams on mobile phone devices.

It’s almost at pandemic levels now. Married or not, most of us sleep with our phones right next to us, pocket them as we go from place to place and think nothing of using them whether our partners are talking or not.

“Therapists say that when a marriage hits a rocky patch, they’ve seen one or both partners hide behind their phones.”

If you’re still reading this article then we can safely assume you know what we’re talking about. The US divorce rate hovers at 40 per cent, but that’s not the whole story. Many sound relationships are on life support. According to a survey by the National Opinion Research Centre.

You’d think this problem would exist only outside the church, wrong.

Pope Francis says most marriages today are ‘invalid’ because couples don’t go into them with the right intentions. This is a disaster for the Church much less society as a whole.

“When a Christian marriage unravels, many questions rise to the surface.”

It’s a shame that most of our relationships are in shambles. However, its time to put down the Smartphone and save your marriage. But how?

1. The first year of marriage is hard…really hard.

In an increasingly individualistic, “me” culture, weddings create a potentially dangerous situation for a newlywed Christian couple. If you are empty, broken, or insecure, and you believe a spouse is the silver bullet to your a problems…buckle up. The marriage will be bumpy-ride.

Don’t buy the wedding day lie. Marriage is not about you. Take this as a warning…the first year of marriage is difficult and you will never be able to enjoy the beauty of marriage if your spouse’s job is to complete you.

In Saudi Arabia, a newlywed husband filied for divorce after his wife stopped his attempts at consummation to reply to wedding messages. Whiles this is simply over the top. Yes, it can be partially about not texting on your wedding night!

We know marriage is hard, but walking away from it will have a lasting impact. Marry a Christian, yes. But maybe go even further and marry somebody with similar passions and dreams.

2. Prioritize Your Partner Over Your Phone

“Marital bliss is fictional, but marital happiness can be a reality.”

This is an obvious point, but it’s still one that most people tend to disregard. Sex is a gift from God. So explore It. Make no mistake…God created sex. But through the years, God’s people allowed Satan to steal this gift. Without a fight.

God created sex. If your married, here’s a challenge. Explore sex. Explore the fullness of it and pray for sexual intimacy with your spouse.

3. There is more than one person out there for you.

Marriage is a huge choice, and so is divorce. Soul mates are made…not born. We are not sure where this idea of a soul mate originated, but it is false. Maintaining a healthy relationship is more about commitment than perfection. Marriages are complex – they’re filled with compromise, balancing expectations and maintaining a foundation built on trust. A successful marriage is one where you serve your spouse and both of you serve God. You see the closer you get to God the closer you will be to each other.

“The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married ” – (John Fischer).

To God be the glory forever. Amen!

So You Think You’ve Married the Wrong Person? – GodInterest

Church, God


When I saw Roger’s Facebook profile photo, my first reaction, if I’m honest, was that he wasn’t good-looking enough for me. Yet when he sent a message saying I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, I gave into his invitation for dinner, she says in regret.

“According to a new survey of more than 1,600 divorcees, 49 percent admitted they were worried on their wedding day their relationship would break down, and two-thirds considered leaving their spouse-to-be at the altar.”

“A sixth said they hoped their partner would change after the wedding, while others said they got married in the hope that it would “all work out” in the end.”

Lord, I’m sorry! I married the wrong man. Please forgive me, she cries out in agonizing prayer. 

No couple should expect bliss every day and most couples know that perfection is not on the cards. Nevertheless, there are couples who display such deep-seated incompatibility, such heightened rage and disappointment, that most people will conclude that something else is at play beyond the normal scratchiness: they appear to have married the wrong person.

How do such errors happen, in our enlightened, knowledge-rich times? To avoid becoming a “statistic,” try to internalize these 7 insights.

#1. You picked the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.

Many Christians may assume that non-believers are more likely to marry the wrong person because they lack God’s guidance in finding their one true love. But not so fast. Unfortunately, the number of Christians divorcing is no lower than that of non-believers.

“Singles today (and most married couples too) are searching for super-spouses that simply don’t exist.”

Movie star Mickey Rooney said, “Marriage is like batting in baseball; when the right one comes along, you don’t want to let it go by.” It sounds good, until you realize that Mickey was married eight times. He must have had a lot of “good pitches” to swing at!

Mickey Rooney has what might be called the “needle in a haystack” view of picking a mate.

But you won’t find a “wrong needle” clause in the Bible that gives you an “out” if you conclude that your spouse isn’t right for you. Instead you’ll find in Malachi 2:15, “Do not break faith with the wife of your youth.”

Surprising to many, the Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen.  It tells us how to live with the person we have chosen. It’s easy to take our thoughts to the extreme when we’re so unhappy. But lets not forget that God says in the Bible says, “Come, let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). You didn’t marry a mind reader.  Don’t fault him or her for that.

#2. You picked the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Many societies portray marriage as a temporary arrangement that can be adapted or forsaken at will.  When first looking out for a partner, the requirements we come up with are coloured by a beautiful non-specific sentimental vagueness. All of us are crazy in very particular ways. All too many people say their vows without a real commitment to their spouse or to God.

Marriage is not primarily about finding the right spouse. It’s about being the right person. In his classic work, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm declares, “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.

#3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share common life goals and priorities.

Biblically, a Christian should be looking to marry another believer who shares a similar commitment to following the Lord Jesus. Marriage to an unbeliever should be avoided (2 Corinthians 6:14). So, if a Christian marries a non-Christian, he or she may have indeed married the wrong person.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you got intimately involved too quickly.

“Do you know unmarried couples who attend church, have consensual sex, and may even live together? According to a recent study by the Barna Group,”

The Bible is filled with lots of info about sex, and believe it or not, God thinks it’s a great idea! And why shouldn’t He, He invented it and declared it to be “good.”

Many Christian couples also justify cohabitation with the rationalization that they are going to get married eventually. However, the Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4). Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage.

If you believe Christ died on a cross for your sins and you are trusting in Christ alone for your salvation, Christ commands you to pick up your cross and follow him (Matt. 16:24). Sex outside of marriage is a sin, no matter how a person tries to interpret Scripture otherwise, and every Christian is called to obey God in this aspect of life. Jesus said.

Also consider this, if the Bible’s message on sex before marriage was obeyed, there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, far fewer abortions, far fewer unwed mothers and unwanted pregnancies, and far fewer children growing up without both parents in their lives.

#5. You picked the wrong person because you didn’t put everything on the table.

Let’s start off with the big one.  TRUST!  When a spouse is persistently and relentlessly lying about dim-witted things, it causes worry and doubts to set up camp. The journey begins like this. A young man or woman identifies the person he or she wants to marry and begins the business of serious courtship. Time and money are no object. They have a worthy goal and are motivated, even if that means telling lies in the process.

“You look as beautiful today as the day I met you.” “Of course you don’t look fat in that.” “I’m not angry.” “I wasn’t looking at her, I was just noticing her boots.”

Legally, all you need for a wedding is a visit to the county clerk’s office, and whatever else your local government requires. Most weddings these days skip the garter toss; many skip the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and some even skip the flowers. But what matters most is that you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

“If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past, however, if you tell a lie, it becomes part of your future”. ~ Author Unknown”

Wow does that quote nails it, or what??!!

#6. You picked the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

In many places in the world, a fantasy is promoted that marriage should meet all our needs—the emphasis being on meeting one’s own needs, not the needs of one’s spouse. However, people that are unhappy when single and expect marriage to fulfil their lives are greatly disappointed as their level of contentment will drop even lower when married. Unrealistic expectations are those demands you make of your spouse of which he or she is incapable of providing.

“When you’re single, you experience a range of contentment from low to high. However, when your married, that range becomes even wider in both directions. Greater contentment—or discontentment.”

God wants to destroy you, not the physical you, but the selfish you. Jesus taught us that if we don’t die to our selfish nature, we will never be able to experience all the blessings that God wants to bestow on us. Well, if there was ever an institution designed to kill the selfish you, it’s marriage. In fact, it is virtually impossible to succeed at marriage if you don’t learn how to let the selfish part of you die.

#7. You picked the wrong person because you did not consult with God

“I don’t think I can do any better. He or she said, It may sound cliché, but if you don’t respect and love yourself, it will be difficult to respect and love another person.”

Surely we aren’t destined to fail.  So maybe we have misunderstood the will of God. I know that sounds simplistic. Many people claim that is the problem with their marriage.  If they could go back and press rewind, if they knew back then what they know now, they would have made different decisions. But remember that God promises us that if we ask, He will give. And while asking, request that the Holy Spirit guide you as your Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).

How can a person prevent getting married to the wrong person?

The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right”emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers,

Instead, keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards,” is good advice (Poor Richard’s Almanac, June 1738), but even more helpful is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).


5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage – Bonny @OysterBed7


Bonny.jpgLiving in an over-sexualized culture, we hear messages about sex, wrong messages.  These messages become more a part of us than God’s truth because we hear them repetitively and churches are scared to address sexuality.

For too long, I believed the world’s message about sex.  That it’s a superficial, feel-good avenue to self-satisfaction.  Wrong, partly.  God did design sex to feel good!

But, there is more than that.  He designed it for profound spiritual, physical, and emotional connection.  It is just a shadow of things to come.

God’s design of sex is too amazing to keep silent about.

Here are five truths about God’s design of sex in marriage.

God designed sex to be bonding.

Not only spiritually bonding, but emotionally and physically.  When the two become one flesh, biochemicals are released in our bodies like oxytocin and dopamine.  Oxytocin, especially, is a bonding chemical.  When I embraced this truth and started engaging in the marriage bed more, the tone of our marriage completely changed.

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis 2:24 (NIV).

God designed sex for both husband and wife to experience pleasure.

It’s an equal opportunity activity.  Why else would there be a clitoris?  It’s only function is for pleasure.  The Song of Solomon is full of beautiful poetic language about the pleasures of physical love for both spouses.

If one spouse struggles with the ultimate moment, there are Christian resources available to help the couple understand how to achieve mutual enjoyment.

“The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved,” Song of Solomon 7:13 (NIV).

God designed sex so that we would know yearning.

Before you were married, you yearned for your fiancé.  Not only did you crave your fiance’s touch, you craved his/her presence and knowing him/her better.  Even after years of marriage, it is good to remember this yearning.  It mirrors how God desires us to yearn for him.  I believe this is one reason he frequently uses the marriage as a symbol of his relationship with us throughout the Bible.

“Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?” James 4:5 (NIV).

God designed the marriage bed to be a place to show the fruit of the Spirit.

Peace, patience, love, joy, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control are the foundation of all Christian life, especially the marriage bed.  All conflict surrounding the marriage bed can be managed through employing these key traits.

My own marriage endured a long season of mismatched sex drives.  It was through these qualities and some wise communication tools that we overcame our conflict.

God designed sex as a powerful mystery.

Biblical stories of sex often confused me when I was young.  There was some nasty stuff in the old testament, the rape of Dinah, Lot and his daughters, the men of Gibeah clammering for the male visitor, Leviticus 20.  And yet, there is the beautiful Song of Solomon.  The New Testament seemed to prefer celibacy, to be honest.  As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why I liked thinking about sex if it was disgraceful and violent.

But, as an adult, I realized the stories were teaching me that sexual intimacy is powerful and mysterious.  It’s OK not to have it all figured out, as long as you respect the power it holds to do good when it is aligned with God’s perfect design.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts,” Isaiah 55:8-9.

Final Thoughts

Don’t let the world’s message of cheap sex destroy the meaningful sex in your marriage.  Sex may only be a small portion of the whole of your marriage.  However, sex matters.  It especially matters if one spouse is more interested than the other.  When we ignore its power and importance in marriage, the relationship suffers.

Now, granted chronic health issues can affect sexual function and that’s a more complicated story.


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Why don’t we like to talk about sex? — raynotbradbury

personality, Words

Based on the article of Glenn McDonald, ‘Science’ magazine Let’s start with some numbers. According to the government’s most recent major survey of sexual behaviour in USA: 94% of women and 92% of men ( ages 18-44) have engaged in heterosexual intercourse in their lives; 87% (both genders) have engaged in oral sex; 17% of […]

via Why don’t we like to talk about sex? — raynotbradbury

Non-Mattress Sex — Hunida’s Blog


The first time I gave a blowjob it wasn’t on a mattress or even in a bedroom. I was in 7th grade at a little friend get-together at one of my then-BFF’s house. I had a boyfriend but we never talked or anything before this night except through text. We went into the bathroom when […]

via Non-Mattress Sex — Hunida’s Blog